Fic: Giving In (instead of holding back) (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan)

[syriala]

This wasn't supposed to happen but my friend is a dirty enabler and I am just weak.

Plus, the last pic on the right just begged to have a fic written for it.

This is a direct continuation of Holding Back (and giving in) and can also be read on AO3.

~*~*~

Zhao Yunlan finally opens his eyes, but there is no Shen Wei in bed with him, and really, why should there be?

He heaves out a heavy sigh and then startles badly when there’s a noise from the kitchen. He shoots up into a sitting position and cranes his neck around, only to relax immediately when he sees the familiar back of Shen Wei at his kitchen counter.

~*~*~

Zhao Yunlan wakes up alone in his bed. That in itself isn’t so unusual, since he usually doesn’t bring people home with him and especially not after he met Shen Wei. What is strange, is that it feels wrong to wake up alone. It shouldn’t; he’s used to that.

He takes a moment to figure out what is going on, suspecting a hangover as the cause of his strange feelings, but his head feels fine and his stomach isn’t rebelling like it uses to do after a night of drinking. Besides, he can’t even remember going out yesterday.

What he does remember is talking to his superiors, endlessly going over the same files, justifying his actions and the orders he gave, before he was finally allowed to go home. Everything after that was a little bit fuzzy, but Zhao Yunlan remembers enough now to know that it’s caused by the lack of sleep and not too much alcohol.

He thinks he remembers a bath; warm, careful hands that certainly weren’t his own washing him down and taking care of him. It must have been Shen Wei. It just must be, because who else would do something like that? Who else would Zhao Yunlan even allow to do something like that, no matter the state he’s in?

Zhao Yunlan finally opens his eyes, but there is no Shen Wei in bed with him, and really, why should there be?

He heaves out a heavy sigh and then startles badly when there’s a noise from the kitchen. He shoots up into a sitting position and cranes his neck around, only to relax immediately when he sees the familiar back of Shen Wei at his kitchen counter.

Maybe the vague things he remembers from last night are not a dream after all.

“What are you doing here?” Zhao Yunlan asks as he gets out of the bed, idly scratching his belly as he stumbles into the kitchen.

He feels relaxed and most importantly clean, and clearly, it must have something to do with Shen Wei being in his apartment.

Shen Wei stiffens at his voice, shoulders tense in a way Zhao Yunlan hates to see, and he frowns at Shen Wei’s back.

“Shen Wei?” he asks, and just like that all the tension runs out of Shen Wei.

“I’m making you breakfast,” he says as if it should be self-exploratory, and maybe it is, but Zhao Yunlan still frowns at him.

“Why?” he wants to know, not accusing him but just genuinely curious and he is surprised when Shen Wei presses his lips together, clenches his jaw in a way Zhao Yunlan hasn’t seen him done in a long time, before he sharply turns away from him.

“You had a few busy days,” Shen Wei shortly says, as if that explains anything at all and Zhao Yunlan wants to take him by the shoulder and force him to turn around.

“Were you here when I came home yesterday?” Zhao Yunlan wants to know, because he is pretty sure that the bathing did happen, even though he’s not so sure about the rest.

He thinks he remembers pulling Shen Wei into bed with him, watching in amusement as he kicked off his shoes in an unusual display of hurry, and then cuddling up to him, pressing a kiss to his skin. But most of all he remembers the feeling of Shen Wei pulling him close, smiling into his hair and Zhao Yunlan wonders just how much of that is his imagination.

It wouldn’t be the first time he dreamt about Shen Wei reciprocating his feelings.

But he can’t help but wonder. He can’t help the hope that bubbles up inside of him.

Shen Wei seems disappointed, like he is caught off guard by something, and Zhao Yunlan should recognize that look on him. He teased it out of Shen Wei a lot lately, but especially when he had figured out that Shen Wei was the Black Cloaked Envoy.

He just never expected to see it in his own kitchen, early in the morning.

“Yes,” Shen Wei belatedly answers his question, eyes fixed on the food that is no doubt ready and doesn’t need to be prodded at anymore, but it looks like Shen Wei can’t help himself.

“Ah, I wondered. My brain is a little bit fuzzy this morning,” Zhao Yunlan explains and watches in fascinated horror as Shen Wei puts on his most fake smile.

“I figured it would be,” he says, and Zhao Yunlan knows him well enough to know that it costs him to say that.

Shen Wei is a never-ending secret to Zhao Yunlan; he always feels like there are things he needs to figure out but can’t, because he’s missing some crucial details. But this; this is rather easy.

Shen Wei thinks Zhao Yunlan forgot all about last night and he is heavily disappointed by that.

The bathing definitely happened; Zhao Yunlan feels too refreshed and smells too good for it not to, so he figures the rest of the night happened as well.

And if it did, then this morning should have started with a kiss and not with Shen Wei worrying over this.

“You took good care of me last night,” Zhao Yunlan says as he walks closer and Shen Wei ducks his head, avoiding his gaze.

“It was nothing,” he appeases, and Zhao Yunlan shakes his head at that.

“I think it might be everything,” he tells him, reaching out and tugging Shen Wei close by his beltloops. “And I think this morning didn’t start right.”

“How,” Shen Wei starts and then swallows heavily before he starts again. “How so?”

“For starters, you weren’t in bed with me,” Zhao Yunlan says and watches as Shen Wei blushes slightly.

It makes something warm and happy unfurl in his chest and he noses at Shen Wei’s cheek, desperate to know if he can feel the blush under his lips as well.

“And then I think we should have started this morning with a kiss,” Zhao Yunlan mumbles against his skin and he is delighted when he feels Shen Wei’s hands settle on his waist, before they clutch at him almost painfully.

“Zhao Yunlan—,” Shen Wei starts but Zhao Yunlan thinks they have talked enough now.

He cuts off whatever ridiculous thing Shen Wei is going to say with a kiss, firmly pressing their lips together before he pulls away to study Shen Wei’s face.

He seems surprised, almost shell-shocked, and Zhao Yunlan vows to kiss him as often as it takes to wipe that look off his face, and then some. Just because he can.

“This is how the morning should have started,” Zhao Yunlan says decisively. “Don’t you think so too, Xiao Wei?”

The nickname seems to startle Shen Wei out of his thoughts and before Zhao Yunlan can smirk at him for causing that reaction Shen Wei reels him in again.

This time, the kiss is a lot less chaste.

When they part, Zhao Yunlan is clutching at Shen Wei’s shoulders, partly to keep him close, but mostly to steady himself. Shen Wei kissed the sense right out of him it seems, and Zhao Yunlan doesn’t mind that one bit.

“And this is how all our mornings should start,” Zhao Yunlan says breathlessly when he gets his bearings back and watches in fascination as pure want flashes over Shen Wei’s face.

“Please,” Shen Wei says, begs him almost, and presses their cheeks together, pulling Zhao Yunlan as close as he can get him.

“Would you ever have said something?” Zhao Yunlan wants to know, stroking his hands up and down Shen Wei’s back, so he feels the tension creep back in.

“No,” Shen Wei admits. “It has to be your choice.”

“It has to be our choice,” Zhao Yunlan tells him, gently pushing Shen Wei away to look into his face.

He always feels like he’s missing so much if he can’t look into Shen Wei’s face.

“Ours, Shen Wei. Not just mine.”

Shen Wei seems surprised about that and Zhao Yunlan doesn’t understand until he speaks. “There has never been another choice for me but you, Zhao Yunlan.”

It should scare Zhao Yunlan, he knows that, but it doesn’t. It feels right in a way he can’t explain, like it’s only fair that he’s Shen Wei’s only choice when it seems like Shen Wei is all Zhao Yunlan has waited for as well.

Instead of telling Shen Wei exactly that, he drags him in for another kiss, sweeter and slower this time, but no less passionate.

“And tomorrow we’ll do that in bed,” Zhao Yunlan promises, watching fondly how Shen Wei ducks his head to hide his smile, or his blush, Zhao Yunlan can’t be sure; he leans in to kiss Shen Wei’s temple anyway, because he wants to, and he can now.

“What do you say to that, Xiao Wei?”

“I would love nothing more,” Shen Wei says, much more honest than Zhao Yunlan has expected, but he can’t deny that he likes it.

After all, there is nothing he would love more than that, either.