syriala

This is my first try on Guardian fic, and was written for a challenge at getyourwordsout. This is basically just a Shen Wei character study for ... between-canon?

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When Shen Wei woke up, he was profoundly disappointed. People around him were yelling, obviously excited to see him but Shen Wei couldn’t pay them any attention.

He had just lost Kun Lun; after only knowing him for such a short amount of time, which made his loss hurt all the more. And Ye Zun; the loss of his brother, again, was almost unbearable.

Shen Wei wondered why he hadn’t died, why he was forced to wake up again.

And then he learns that ten thousand years have passed. No time for him at all, not even a blink, since he was so blissfully unaware of the passing of time, asleep in one moment, awake the next.

But it makes his awakening even more devastating.

The regent, and Shen Wei is going to have to keep a close eye on that one, tells him his brother has been imprisoned in a pillar all this time. There’s this spark of hope, his mood infinitely lifted at the prospect of speaking to his brother again, but even that hope is soon enough trampled.

Where Shen Wei has been asleep for the past ten thousand years, Ye Zun has been awake, plotting and hating and it shows. He is nothing at all like the brother Shen Wei remembers; sweet and a little bit soft, trusting and open. This Ye Zun is the exact opposite in every conceivable way.

It only makes the loss of his brother more pronounced.

The regent releases him to Haixing and everything has changed. Shen Wei doesn’t recognize the planet he’s standing on, and he’s entrusted with keeping it safe, yet again. He tries his best, even though he often thinks it’s not good enough.

Kun Lun’s promise rattles around in Shen Wei’s brain, ‘We will meet again’, and he lets out a bitter laugh whenever his voice drowns out every other thought Shen Wei has.

Shen Wei has studied every book on time travel and wormholes he could find in the Dixing library, since the humans aren’t at that stage yet, but nothing sparks the confidence Kun Lun spoke with. People die, regularly, in wormholes; no one has made it through twice, yet. The possibility that Kun Lun died ten thousand years ago is much higher than the chance of them ever meeting again.

Plus, Shen Wei doesn’t even know what time Kun Lun had come from. He could be long dead; lived his life and died, while Shen Wei was asleep, dreaming of him.

The lollipops, Shen Wei researched them as soon as he saw a human with one, are no help either. They have already been around too long to give Shen Wei any hope of ever meeting Kun Lun again.

Still, despite the brother who is insane and hates him, and the no doubt lost Kun Lun, Shen Wei builds a life with the humans. Gets an apartment, a job, establishes a routine.

But every night in bed he can’t help but hate Kun Lun a little bit for his words. He gave Shen Wei hope when he isn’t sure there even is anything left to hope for. A goodbye, a clear ‘this is our one shot we get’ would have made things so much easier.

Shen Wei would still grieve for Kun Lun, how could he not with how deeply he had affected his life in just such a short amount of time, but it would be a closed chapter of his never-ending life.

Instead there’s this niggling thought of ‘maybe’, ‘eventually’ always rattling around in Shen Wei’s head and he’s tired of it.

Tired of looking for Kun Lun in the streets, tired of listening for his voice, for his laugh, tired of contemplating buying lollipop after lollipop, hoping to find that one flavor Kun Lun had shared with him, once upon a time, just yesterday.

He still goes through the motion; keeps an eye on the regent, fulfills his duty as the Black Cloaked Envoy and tries to instill even a little bit of understanding about biological engineering into his students. Not all of these go as well as Shen Wei would like.

And always, forever, he hears Kun Lun’s voice, telling him they will meet again.

It’s a very small hope to cling to, but Shen Wei can’t help himself. It’s all he has left.